My prayer for the day

I pray a lot. Not the kneel by the side of the bed every night kind of prayer that I SHOULD be doing but more like the "oh please, not that" to the Universe at large general type prayer. The hope against hope kind. You know, "please let my sister's ex get eaten by a bear" or "please don't let the maintenance guy come in just as I'm getting out of the shower". That kind of thing. Due to several conversations with a few of my sisters about the hopelessness of our genetic situation, the one that has been going around in my head this week is something along the lines of: "oh please don't let me be old and crazy!" Now, I know everybody is crazy but I'm not talking regular crazy. Not just weird talks to yourself sometimes because I had too many kids crazy but all out, balls to the wall bat-shit crazy. The hubs is a big believer in Karma and he is always telling me to knock off this kind of stuff. So, right after I think these kinds of things I immediately go "shouldn't have said that. Karma is gonna bite me in the ass now". What with the numerous things I've lined up for which Karma can pay me back, I suppose I should change this particular prayer to, "oh please let the following conversation happen as far in the future as possible!" I'm pretty sure it will go something like this:

Suzie, "Turner, I have to talk to you about Mom."

Turner, "What now you stupid idiot? I have very important things to do. And you all suck. Call Thomas."

Suzie, "He thinks he's somewhere in Russia and he lost his phone and wallet again."

Turner, "Again huh. Try that jerk Sam."

Suzie, "I knew you would say that. I tried him but he's in the Bahamas or somewhere with one of his girlfriends and I can't remember which one he's with this week."

Turner, "(heavy sigh)Okay okay. You have 2 minutes, so talk fast or I'll give you a titty twister over the phone."

Suzie, "You know how Mom used to say Grandma was crazier than an outhouse rat?"

Turner, "You know I blocked out everything she ever said because she never got anything right but whatever. Sure."

Suzie "Well, she's living in the outhouse and they're fighting over the last chunk of cheese if you catch my drift."

Turner, "I knew it would happen eventually."

Suzie, "What do we do? She's interrupting Daddy's shows and I can't have that. You know I love him best."

Turner, "We don't do anything. Just tell Thomas and Sam we are off the hook for the annual Christmas phone call."

Suzie, "Okay but I hope she doesn't burn down the house or even worse, do something embarrassing in front of me!"

Turner, "Dial tone."

Now that I think about the way I've been going lately, I've got a good 3-5 months before Karma knocks on my door. It's good Turner has been practicing her heavy sighs alot lately.