I accept your challenge!

Or, in the words of the unforgettable Tom Servo while watching Devil Doll on Mystery Science Theater 3000; "I accept your mumbltypeg challenge Varelli!" So Krysta tagged anybody with this 7 things about me thingy. I accept her challenge and up the ante by giving you 10. Krysta said they are supposed to be interesting but read them anyway.

1-I would eat cold cereal 3 times a day and 4 on Sunday if I could get away with it.

2-I watch Mystery Science Theater 3000:Giant Spider Invasion probably once a month.

3-I kind of like most Neil Diamond songs.

4-I only do housework when it is an emergency.

5-I am utterly useless before noon.(not to mention grumpy and sometimes mean)

6-I would stay up until 4 A.M. every night if I could.

7-If I have the right book, I can stay in the bath for hours.

8-I think cursing is funny and do it WAY too much.

9-I can read really fast. Even faster than my smarty pants husband.

10-I am way too lazy to care if my bathroom towels match.

The test

I swear that I do other things than watch reality t.v. crap. And I also swear to do my best to never mention it in a blog again. That being said, I think Rock of Love 2 has really taught me all I need to know to live my life the right way. And to think I nearly missed out on this important nugget of wisdom. I almost changed the channel because I couldn't handle watching that fake-lipped creep-fest Daisy crying all over the place because she still lives with her poser Nikki Sixx imitating ex-boyfriend. Not to mention the heebie-jeebies I was getting from the chick doing nude cart wheels on the lawn. After all the drama, Amber (the most normal seeming girl on the show-so she is probably a closet crack whore or is really a man or something) gave me the new scale on which I should judge the quality of my life. She said, "I'm not living with my ex-boyfriend, I didn't throw up in the trash can and I'm not a stripper. Yep. I'm good." When I am laying in bed at night, reviewing all of my mistakes of the day, this is what I should consider. If I can still say that none of these apply to me then I am going to consider my life going well indeed and sleep peacefully. I think I should make Tim use the same criteria so that we are on the same page. Now if I just forget the fact that this came from a chick that has had the good judgement to let Bret Michaels put his tongue in her mouth, everything will be perfect. Yep- I'm good.

P.S. Okay Granny, Nikki Sixx is the former coke fiend that also happens to be a member of Motley Crue. Jeez.

Celebrate!!!

No-not Easter. That's over and there is still too much candy in my house. A better reason to celebrate-I am officially done with the mind and butt numbing torture-fest that is online traffic school. I even have a printed certificate to prove it. I am so glad that now I know better than to ever be Chatty Charlie, Randy Roadrage and Amanda Aggressive. What a relief! That's worth 65 bucks any day of the week!

I hate people!!!

Alright. That's it. I do not get paid nearly enough to put up with the raving idiots that roam our fair Happy Valley. After the day I had at work yesterday, I am considering the whole living like the Uni bomber thing a little more favorably. You know how sometimes you can't think of a good comeback until after the person is gone? Well, I couldn't sleep last night so of course that is all I did. Here is my list of things I SHOULD have said:

1-I too am very proud that your Dad was in the Navy but
I don't need to have every battle recreated for me to help
you pick out the right blue paper.

2-Listen you cheap piece of crap, I don't care if you know
my boss. You still need to pay for
your own glue stick, scissors, chalk, paper etc...

3-I don't care how blond you are, how dark your fake tan
is, how much money you have or how busy you are. I
am still not making you 35 baby shower invitations you
lazy cow.

4-Whatever Grandma-the 80's channel is NOT hard Rock
and Roll. I don't care if Rita listens to Rascal Flatts.
Suck. It. Up.

5-Okay Porky, if you and your fat kid drop one more
goldfish cracker through the store, I am going to shove
the whole bag in a place a lot less pleasant than your
fat mouth.

6-It doesn't matter if you use a cutesy breathy voice
to interrupt me for the 10th time while I am helping
someone else, you are still being rude and should
consider cramming it in your cram hole next time
you want to ask me a stupid question.

7-Spending $32.00 on die cuts isn't the cheapest way to
scrapbook. However, it is the ugliest way.

8-No-I don't think your sticky snotty kid that has been
touching everything in the store and asking me idiotic
questions is precocious and adorable. I do think they
might be the missing link in the evolutionary chain and
that you need parenting lessons.

9-No-you colorblind freak show. I don't think those two
papers go together. If you don't want the truth, don't
ask.

10-Yes-dumba**. The store is closed. That's why the lights
and open sign are off and I am standing here with my
coat on and my purse over my shoulder. And-no, you
can't just grab a few things.

Now that I have my list assembled, I think I am going to keep a copy by the register so that maybe next Saturday goes a little smoother. I hope my boss doesn't mind.

Remember to blink

Daylight savings time can kiss my sweet patoot. (FYI-patoot is another word for keister) And so can anyone who likes it or thinks it is a good idea or even feels ambivalent about it. This week I feel like I am starring in a Dawn of the Dead remake. How long can you sit on the couch and stare into space before your family should be concerned and/or very annoyed? I may get the answer to that before Sunday night. Maybe if I didn't drool so much it would buy me a little more time. If I don't get a decent amount of sleep soon, I am going to start sounding like Charlie Brown's teacher. I know. I know. That couldn't make this blog any worse but it might make it more difficult when I order pizza. I guess if I still can't sleep in the next week or so, I can finish the rest of my David Hasselhoff poetry book and post every last poem on this blog.....

A Mother's Sacrifice

Since I can't seem to get any of my class work done and I have a Father's Day book and a Travel book to turn in; also since the little matter of cutting all of the crap for my card class on Tuesday hasn't been addressed I have been sitting in front of the t.v. all day. Maybe I have had too much practice writing run-on sentences. My apologies for that last one and all of the others that are sure to come. Let's be honest here. I am too stinkin' lazy to use proper punctuation. Proper punctuation is for snobs and wussies. So are paragraphs that make any kind of sense apparently. Feel free to sigh dramatically and turn away now. Instead of going to church, I watched the NASCAR race. Or as Tim put it-kneeling before the alter of the great Atlanta Motor Speedway. Yes. I am aware that I am going to Hell but maybe Jeff Gordon will be there too. It's not like he has been a regular church goer. This is my small secret hope. Anyhoo. After that was over the channel ended up on KBYU. Well-what should come on but Little House on The Prairie. UGH. All of the children had wandered in and seemed to be engrossed in the show so, being the considerate mother that I am, I couldn't just change it. I sat down and tried to ignore it as best I could. That lasted for all of 60 seconds before the cheese and sap started to invade my every pore and I couldn't shut it out. I am trapped on the couch, trying valiantly to ignore all of the snarky/and or filthy comments that have formed in my brain and are fighting to get out. Do you know how many ways you can twist Pa Ingalls saying to some guy, "Well, I'm in charge and you have to do what I say."? Trust me. Alot. Since I am sooooo tired and at that time only had about half a Pepsi, I am pretty sure that the fact that only two (two!) comments (neither of which were even remotely dirty)made it out of my mouth means I should at least get a pat on the back for such a sacrifice. What a Mother won't do for her children- I tell you. The kids wanted to watch the episode that came on after that one was over but I didn't think I could make it through 2 in a row. Not without a significant amount of booze or a network sponser with one of those little bleep buttons. Now to all of you that are reading this and preparing an e-mail to me listing the merits of Little House on the Prairie, I say- get over your sad sad childhood and watch something worthwhile-Like Rock of Love II.

Keeping Up With...

Last night, after having wasted an extremely embarrassing amount of time looking at other blogs on this site, I came to the conclusion that 75% consist entirely of bad poetry and/or rambling drivel. Present company excepted of course! Far be it for me to do anything but run with the herd.(anybody not wanting to be compared to a cow, insert your own analogy here) So-with the handicap of being completely Pepsi/Coke free this morning(dangerous, dangerous), I submit my new poem. Maybe tomorrow I'll post some pictures of our latest adventure to the grocery store or some of the pictures from 1999 that document all of our favorite diaper rash ointment brands. Riveting!

I eat

my peas from the can

the tears

fall

the clown

enters and cries

with me

oh why

I ask the heavens

but no one

answers

it is left

for me

to ponder

Oh cruel

fate

Bret Michaels

sleeps

sleeps!

in his

bandanna wig

Pressure

It is obvious that my boys helped me name my blog. I actually wanted to use The Dark Lord: Chuckles the Silly Piggy but Thomas wouldn't hear of it. What a bosser. I am not actually the blogging type but I started to feel the peer pressure alittle too heavily. I have so few friends that I can't afford to lose any so here I am. To be honest it was Krysta that made me do this. I can't afford to have her stop sending me stuff to read about ROL2.