Another prayer

  I'm supposed to be asleep. Fast asleep for a few more hours but, here I am. I wake up every 15 minutes or so when another thing I should be doing pops into my brain and I have to beat it into submission and try to doze back off. I just looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and I still look like a drug-addict coming down from something. Dilated pupils and everything. All this in spite of the fact that I was at the hospital with Suzie all night and ended up about 2 catnaps shy of having stayed up all night. Turns out that the flu I was sure she had last week(and Tim didn't I might add)her surgeon tells me was actually appendicitis that probably ruptured 2 days before I took her to the Doctor. Yet another addition to the Mother's guilt with which I flagellate myself on a weekly basis. Even though they, and by they I mean most of the medical personnel I have come across in the last 2 days, tell me there was no way to know. Ah...Mother's guilt. That special brand of guilt that needs no basis in rationality. It be what it be. Because her appendix was ruptured, the best case scenario is about 4 days in the hospital; worse case,10 days and heaven knows what-even when she comes home. If truth be told, this is the reason I can't seem to stay asleep. Every time I open my eyes and look at the wall I offer up this prayer to the Universe and anybody else that is listening. 

"Please. In spite of the atrocious luck my life seems to attract, just this once let it be best case scenario. Please Please Please be best case scenario. Not because I can't handle it. I can. And not because it is costing a gazillion dollars a day. But. But because that's my baby lying there in that bed. Miserable. Still a little scared. Wishing she were home and that everything didn't hurt so damned much. So; please, just this once. Take whatever favors you might have been storing up for me and use them on her."