Balls...

I only occasionally look at my blog. It's weird and kinda creepy to sit and read your own blog all the time. I will check to make sure the quote went up properly, the background looks right or whatever but that's about it. In the course of doing so today, I noticed that I have posted only 6 times in February. Including Suzie's post. Tut. Even with the good excuse of 10 days web-free in the hospital, that is just pathetic. Talk about dropping the ball. Ball dropping of epic proportions you might say. I may be one of the best ball droppers of all time. If you need any of your balls dropped in a spectacular fashion, lemme know. Okay, that last one sounded kinda dirty. Inadvertently of course, but that's the best kind. Not even gonna erase it. Now I'm going to go change the title to reflect that one sentence. See how I am? Anyway. Back to the subject at hand. I was sure I wouldn't get this close to absolute failure until at least the end of March. I have managed to miss even my own low expectations. While deciding on today's quote I came across this one:

"The distance is nothing; it's only the first step that is difficult."

Sorry, Marquise du Deffand, I understand the point you're trying to make but you're wrong. Wrongety wrong wrong wrong. Anybody that has tried to stick to a diet can tell you that it's the distance that truly kicks your ass. Every stinkin' time. As hard as it is to make yourself start something, it's what comes after that pistol whips you and leaves you tied to a plastic lawn chair and bleeding from the mouth. The whole point of this year of blogging was to prove to myself that I didn't have to be that person anymore. All it took was a bad few weeks to knock that sideways. Everyday I open this new post window, spend all day walking past it with one eye closed and closing it down at night with a sigh. I have spent the last three weeks talking Suzie into fighting one last time every time she said she couldn't go any further. Just last night I gave Turner the "Life will push you down and kick you in the ribs until you decide to kick back" talk. There have been whole days that I've done nothing but tell Suzie not to let this beat her, that she's as strong as she wants to be and that life is going to hand her ass if she lets it. Not once have I bothered to take that to heart for myself. Like I said, pathetic. So; here I am, down but not quite out. Ready to take one more shot before I say Uncle.