Venting...

Sam got suspended from school today.

 I. AM. PISSED.

Royally pissed. But; surprisingly enough, not at him and not really because he was suspended. The how and why is what has me foaming at the mouth.

 The whole thing started yesterday with Sam trying to break up a fight between one of his friends and the kid who has been bullying said friend all year. This bully walked out of the school and had punched Sam's friend 3 times before Sam got there to intervene. When Suzie came out of the school and saw Sam in the middle of it she jumped in and pushed the bully kid off of Sam. For her trouble she got stomped on her bruised foot and punched in the side. Needless to say, Sam saw red at this point and punched the kid in the jaw. According to the Principal, Sam should have left well enough alone. AND it was supposedly Suzie's fault that she got hurt because she should have run for a teacher and left Sam to his own devices. In what kind of messed up world do we live when standing up for our friends and family is the wrong thing to do? By the time Sam came back from getting a teacher, Suzie could have been bleeding all over the asphalt or vice versa. What kind of person tells a 10 year old girl that they deserved to be hurt because they didn't want somebody hurting their brother? Apparently the woman in charge of the well being of almost 1000 kids. She obviously also thinks that every child in the school should be viewed through the same lens and that every situation should have exactly the same outcome regardless of circumstances. Sam punched a kid. Fine, punish him accordingly. I even warned him to be prepared for something to come down today. BUT. How is it fair to lump him together with the instigator of this whole mess? Sam's punishment was the same as if he jumped the kid in an alley and beat him half to death. It makes me feel good that the children in whom we are placing our hopes for the future are being taught to refuse any sort of responsibility for their fellow beings. The idea flat out gives me the warm fuzzies. How am I supposed to expect my children to take care of each other and try to always do the right thing *no matter how hard it is* when they go to school and are taught that it's fine to always leave it to someone else. Not only fine but required. You will be rewarded not for doing right but by making sure you tell the right story to the right person. The bully told the principal he was "defending" himself. I'm pretty sure if you looked that phrase up in the dictionary there wouldn't be anything in the definition about running up to a kid and holding him in a headlock so you could punch his face. Sam told me on the way home that he told his teacher that this bully has been calling his friend fatty (amongst other names) and was told by his useless teacher to mind his own business because it was "between Bryant and Jr." Nice. Hearing that just made me even more glad I told the Principal that what happened today was bullshit and that if there's a next time I'm advising Sam to beat the shit out of that kid. I might also have implied that she was full of it herself when she tried to tell me they made sure there wasn't any bullying going on. There might have been mention of how worthless her school was too but I'm not sure. It's good that I'm already known as the bitchy Mom around there because it's too late to go back now. 

And now I think I'm going to need nothing less than a Coke I.V. to get my equilibrium back. Not to mention that I should get some sort of major award for keeping the bad words I used on that odious woman to nothing worse than shit and it's various forms. If you know my mouth then you know that I might even deserve a medal for Stellar Self-Control. Would it be pushing the maturity envelope too far if I call her back and tell her she's dumb, ugly, has bad hair and smells like old sweat socks? It's obvious to anyone with a brain that she's a total meanie-pants.   

The Rabbit Done Run.

It wouldn't be Easter without the Gazillionth Annual Richards Rabbit Run. No rabbits really, but a bunch of family from Momma Jean's side of the blanket roasting hot dogs and sending the little ones to look for barely hidden candy.

Who doesn't love a perfectly roasted weenie?
If we had been keeping with true Grandma Gertrude tradition then these should have been turkey or chicken dogs and the fire would have been big enough to threaten the neighbor's house.

Joe and Sam demonstrating what happens when you consume
too many nitrates in too short a time span. Sad.  

Picture translation:
Janene, "I hope he doesn't realize I've been telling everybody that The Lord
 of the Rings is for losers"
Mike, "Time to open up a can of whoop-ass."

Apparently, Shania thinks it's funny when Turner punches
 Anna in the teeth. I bet that's the last time Anna tells Turner it's not nice to
throw her unwanted food at Grandma. 

Levi was proud of all his loot until Rachel told him that
 they weren't taking home the brown lumps he found in the middle
 of the neighbor's lawn.


The Rabbit Run is also well known as your best chance all year to get pictures of your relatives stuffing their faces. I submit the following as evidence.

This is the bonus picture of the day because not only is Mike eating but
 Brad is picking his teeth. A twofer if you will.

 The ratio of little monsters to big monsters has changed so much we decided to give a scavenger hunt a try. Each of the three teams brought back all of their items so it came down to the fact that the girls got back first. Hopefully it wasn't too torturous for all of the too cool for school teenagers that got roped into it. Poor babies.

I know your first instincts are to blame Thomas and Noah for the fact that this
 Anna looks nervous. She had just heard about the incident with the other
 Anna and was still a little worried I would put her with Turner.

Unfortunately for this team Sarah's threat of Sumo based violence
didn't help them win.

V is for Victory!

A Day.

You know it's time to request a do-over when you're looking for something about your day to brag about and the best thing you can come up with is the fact that you managed to acquire a can of compressed air and finally get the dust blown out of your computer. I think I'm going to also count that stellar run-on sentence I just composed. So that's two. Sweet. And I talked on the phone so much that I had to charge my phone. Twice. So that's three right there. Eeeexcelent. Since I resisted the urge to ignore the warnings on the can and deliberately concentrate and inhale the contents of said can, I'm taking four and five.(I did not concentrate nor did I inhale)
 There you have it.
 MONDAY.
 In all it's start-of-the-week-what-the-hell-is-this-anyway-you-have-got-to-be-freakin-kidding-me-ness.
 It's better than a possible poke in the eye with a sharp stick that gets diverted at the last minute and ends up in your groin.
 Maybe. 

Spring Break! Woo!

When I wrote that title, I was picturing myself waving my bikini top over my head with another Jello shot in my other hand. But, in the interest of holding down your breakfast, I wouldn't recommend it.

 REALLY, the highlight of Spring Break this year was going out to spend the day with Uncle Mike and his family at 5 Mile Pass. We went on the same day as Aunt Annie so all of the cousins got to hang out.

Aiden and Ray. Don't panic. The ATV wasn't moving. A fact that obviously didn't make a difference to these two.

Grandma Ole! Grandma Jean seems to be working on a new dance. Just squint and picture me as a slim mustached Spaniard and you get the idea.

Annie is trying to put a brave face on it but we all know that this is Jon's best conversational gambit most days.

The kids favorite thing by far is being buried by Uncle Mike. He tamps the sand down and they have to wiggle themselves free.

Suzie insisted on Uncle Mike making it as hard as he could and...ended up asking Uncle Mike to dig her out.

Waiting to wiggle. You can't try until everybody is buried.

Thomas got buried last and made it out first. Poor Uncle Mike didn't know what he was getting himself into I think. 

Ended up with not a single picture of Turner. Mostly because she had my camera most of the time. To make up for it, here is the carefully composed shot of her Vitamin Water she took. On the upside, Vitamin Water doesn't usually make me fear for my life when it looks at me so, I'll take it.

Mike's son Shaun. AKA the nicest cousin ever. You realize how amazing that is when I tell you he's 17.

Couldn't resist this sweet one of Suzie and Kallie. Cousins usually get along at their age but these two go so far beyond that. I love it. 

They Tell Me Confession is Good for the Soul

Since I have been so shamefully neglectful here, I had grand plans to upload pics of Easter weekend today. Well, they will have to wait for tomorrow. I have to get something off of my chest before the shame crushes me.

I like to watch music videos on VH1 and MTV in the morning. Hold on. That should be it but it gets worse. With a few exceptions, (Madonna again? oh ick) I don't change the channel when a stupid one comes on. I just wander out of the room to change the laundry or eat breakfast or something. This is how I've managed to hear that new One Direction song at least twice. (probably more. who am I kidding?) And that must be why I caught myself humming it in the shower and singing it under my breath while I swept the kitchen today. If you're wondering who One Direction is think New Kids on the Block with tighter pants and British but with equally stupid looking hair. Okay, and there is only one cute one instead of the 2 boasted by NKOTB. Seriously. A couple of these boys are one "Can I help you Mr. Frodo?" away from being hobbits. I looked the song up on YouTube and it turns out I even know where to chime in with "the way you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed". Really. The horror.  I'm buried in shame here and I'm not sure if I can stand it. So let's keep this between you and me shall we? Thankfully, I'm not quite suicidal yet though. I think my brain is saving the nuclear option for when I start reciting Taylor Swift. 

P.S. While we're confessing I may as well admit to getting halfway through a mid-90's cheese fest Tim McGraw song last week before I realized I was singing along with EVERY word and threw the radio out of the window and tried to set fire to the van. Bad brain. Bad.
 That's all for now. I hope. 

Spring Break!

I haven't written anything since the kids got out for Spring Break. I have the hardest time even changing the quote on here, let alone stringing sentences together when they're around. I sat down this morning, determined to get something written and...have been interrupted no less than 354 times. Wait, Thomas just asked me (again) what he should do. Make that 355. Maybe that's the secret to my inability to get anything done. Since the kids wandered out of their rooms this morning I have:

-refused Suzie's request to have Sprite instead of food for breakfast.

-shooed more than one child away from standing behind me reading over my shoulder.

-answered multiple phone calls from the boys pertaining to whether they should buy the milk they found that's $2.89 instead of $3.00 and to inform me that Sam is being stupid.

-told Turner she looks fine in that swimming suit too, no the bottoms couldn't have shrunk because they're brand new and yes, that top looks good with those bottoms but; no, the red stripe doesn't make you look more tan.

-been told that I CAN'T write that!!!

-told Thomas to stop whistling.

-made Sam brush his teeth FOR REAL this time.

-seen the better part of Turner's boobs. Twice.

-had my grammar and spelling corrected by above referenced children

 -told Thomas to stop whistling.

-stopped Turner from writing I am stalking Annie Annie Bung Chunder on this blog and posting it.

-not caught Turner in time as she added "I don't have undies on" to the Facebook message I was trying to compose but didn't finish due to being, you said it,  interrupted.

-had a 5 minute argument with Suzie on the merits of showering.

-Looked  Pixar's Jack Jack Attack up on IMDB to prove to the boys that there WAS NOT a man in it named Agent Lick Dicker but was in fact named Rick. I repeat, RICK.

-had Suzie sit on my lap wearing her swimming suit and tell me "I don't have undies on"

-threatened to feed Thomas his tongue if he doesn't stop whistling.

-been made aware of the fact that the boys are jerks, Sam needs to shut up, there is nothing in the house to eat, Suzie is bored, Turner is hungry, Suzie needs to shut up, Thomas went in the girls room, Turner is mean, Sam wants to play the XBOX, Thomas needs to shut up, Sam wants to play the XBOX, zucchini cakes are gross and the house really truly is devoid of any sort of edible substance.

-been informed by the boys that they decided it doesn't matter because his last name is still Dicker.

I think I need a nap.