Alright. That's it. I do not get paid nearly enough to put up with the raving idiots that roam our fair Happy Valley. After the day I had at work yesterday, I am considering the whole living like the Uni bomber thing a little more favorably. You know how sometimes you can't think of a good comeback until after the person is gone? Well, I couldn't sleep last night so of course that is all I did. Here is my list of things I SHOULD have said:
1-I too am very proud that your Dad was in the Navy but
I don't need to have every battle recreated for me to help
you pick out the right blue paper.
2-Listen you cheap piece of crap, I don't care if you know
my boss. You still need to pay for
your own glue stick, scissors, chalk, paper etc...
3-I don't care how blond you are, how dark your fake tan
is, how much money you have or how busy you are. I
am still not making you 35 baby shower invitations you
4-Whatever Grandma-the 80's channel is NOT hard Rock
and Roll. I don't care if Rita listens to Rascal Flatts.
Suck. It. Up.
5-Okay Porky, if you and your fat kid drop one more
goldfish cracker through the store, I am going to shove
the whole bag in a place a lot less pleasant than your
6-It doesn't matter if you use a cutesy breathy voice
to interrupt me for the 10th time while I am helping
someone else, you are still being rude and should
consider cramming it in your cram hole next time
you want to ask me a stupid question.
7-Spending $32.00 on die cuts isn't the cheapest way to
scrapbook. However, it is the ugliest way.
8-No-I don't think your sticky snotty kid that has been
touching everything in the store and asking me idiotic
questions is precocious and adorable. I do think they
might be the missing link in the evolutionary chain and
that you need parenting lessons.
9-No-you colorblind freak show. I don't think those two
papers go together. If you don't want the truth, don't
10-Yes-dumba**. The store is closed. That's why the lights
and open sign are off and I am standing here with my
coat on and my purse over my shoulder. And-no, you
can't just grab a few things.
Now that I have my list assembled, I think I am going to keep a copy by the register so that maybe next Saturday goes a little smoother. I hope my boss doesn't mind.