Sunday, March 16, 2008

I hate people!!!

Alright. That's it. I do not get paid nearly enough to put up with the raving idiots that roam our fair Happy Valley. After the day I had at work yesterday, I am considering the whole living like the Uni bomber thing a little more favorably. You know how sometimes you can't think of a good comeback until after the person is gone? Well, I couldn't sleep last night so of course that is all I did. Here is my list of things I SHOULD have said:

1-I too am very proud that your Dad was in the Navy but
I don't need to have every battle recreated for me to help
you pick out the right blue paper.

2-Listen you cheap piece of crap, I don't care if you know
my boss. You still need to pay for
your own glue stick, scissors, chalk, paper etc...

3-I don't care how blond you are, how dark your fake tan
is, how much money you have or how busy you are. I
am still not making you 35 baby shower invitations you
lazy cow.

4-Whatever Grandma-the 80's channel is NOT hard Rock
and Roll. I don't care if Rita listens to Rascal Flatts.
Suck. It. Up.

5-Okay Porky, if you and your fat kid drop one more
goldfish cracker through the store, I am going to shove
the whole bag in a place a lot less pleasant than your
fat mouth.

6-It doesn't matter if you use a cutesy breathy voice
to interrupt me for the 10th time while I am helping
someone else, you are still being rude and should
consider cramming it in your cram hole next time
you want to ask me a stupid question.

7-Spending $32.00 on die cuts isn't the cheapest way to
scrapbook. However, it is the ugliest way.

8-No-I don't think your sticky snotty kid that has been
touching everything in the store and asking me idiotic
questions is precocious and adorable. I do think they
might be the missing link in the evolutionary chain and
that you need parenting lessons.

9-No-you colorblind freak show. I don't think those two
papers go together. If you don't want the truth, don't

10-Yes-dumba**. The store is closed. That's why the lights
and open sign are off and I am standing here with my
coat on and my purse over my shoulder. And-no, you
can't just grab a few things.

Now that I have my list assembled, I think I am going to keep a copy by the register so that maybe next Saturday goes a little smoother. I hope my boss doesn't mind.


shellbell said...

From one great crabby woman to another: There is no vaccine against stupidity!... Maxine

Anonymous said...

so sweet! I've been in there with some of those crazy cows! It's scary, I think you should ask for a raise!

Kim said...

I hope you weren't talking about me. oh wait, I don't think I was there on Saturday. Anyways, thanks for the laugh.

Michelle said...

Hilarious. I think anyone that has worked retail can relate. I have had my share.

Jenna said...

I love reading your blog. It makes me feel like I am right there experiencing the crap with you.

KrystaLyn said...

Yeah. Come talk to me after you have worked the last 2 days the Easter Bunny is at the mall. Of course everyone in Fayetteville is retarded enough to wait until the DAY BEFORE EASTER to get their pictures taken! Talk about dumb-dumbs.