Well dearies,
November already.
I can't help but marvel at how October and September
managed to so thoroughly kick the guano out of me.
November already.
I can't help but marvel at how October and September
managed to so thoroughly kick the guano out of me.
I know. Don't say it.
Again?
Do I ever really have anything else happen to me?
There. I said it for you.
Fortunately, when things are going as well as they have been lately, there are
always hard earned lessons that must be absorbed and passed on. In this case, to you.
Aren't you lucky I'm a silver linings kind of gal?
Fortunately, when things are going as well as they have been lately, there are
always hard earned lessons that must be absorbed and passed on. In this case, to you.
Aren't you lucky I'm a silver linings kind of gal?
In the best teaching-others-through-my-mistakes spirit I submit the following:
Taking Thomas to physical therapy every week has given me way too much time to kill at the thrift store that is so very conveniently located across the street. Not only does this allow me the chance to find too many old books to take home and put under the knife (more about that another day), it also has taught me a few things I never knew I needed to know.
Taking Thomas to physical therapy every week has given me way too much time to kill at the thrift store that is so very conveniently located across the street. Not only does this allow me the chance to find too many old books to take home and put under the knife (more about that another day), it also has taught me a few things I never knew I needed to know.
For instance,
Don't think, "aw that's kind of cute" (like I naively did) when the man standing across from you in the book section begins to read aloud romantic sounding passages to his, um, significant other (sister, mother, hostage, snaggle-toothed familiar?). MOVE AWAY post-haste. I don't care how stupid it makes you look-run if you have to. That way, when he continues to read (quite loudly mind you) with nary a stumble when he reaches phrases like, "his magnificent loins" and "freed her pale white globes", you won't find yourself staring in frozen horror at the
I'll never look at a romance novel the same way again.
Speaking of romance novels, DO NOT believe a book if it tells you it is a "smart, fun-filled romp". I know how easy it is to convince yourself that a book couldn't lie to you. After all, books are our friends. BUT-keep in mind that a paperback that has been priced at 50 cents will tell you ANYTHING to get you to take it home. It could and would lie to you. Even if it bandies about words like "wonderful"or "enchanting", remember that a book that has been consigned to what amounts to the book ghetto will tell you whatever it thinks you want to hear just to get out of there. Even if it's only for the 2 hours it will take you to read it in the bath. In these cases, smart can usually be interpreted to mean that the heroine reads too many books and quotes poetry or the hero of the story has kooky parents that encourage him to marry the virginal scullery maid even though he's a Duke or something equally ridiculous. Remember, "wonderful" or "enchanting" probably mean "dirty" or "really dirty" and "fun-filled romp" means "badly written porn penned by a lonely woman with frizzy hair that lives with too many cats". You can count on it.
That should keep you out of trouble when wandering the book section.
If you should decide to venture forth into the other aisles keep in mind:
*The brown substance on that adorable stuffed tiger most likely isn't chocolate. Save your quarter.
*I know the N' Snyc figurines in the case may seem like a fun piece of reasonably priced nostalgia, but if you buy that set and take them home, you know they'll end up under the bed in the BOX OF SHAME with your Backstreet Boys sweatshirt, Ricky Martin CD's and the last shred of your self respect.
*And last but not least: if you find yourself reaching for the same quart jar as the woman pushing around a cart full of picture frames (sans glass), plastic cups and high heeled shoes from the Eisenhower era, let her have it and back away slowly. I don't care how much you'd rather pay 75 cents apiece instead of full price for them at Walmart. It's not worth the top 1/2 of 3 of your fingers that she'll be spitting onto the floor after you insist that you got there first.
Speaking of romance novels, DO NOT believe a book if it tells you it is a "smart, fun-filled romp". I know how easy it is to convince yourself that a book couldn't lie to you. After all, books are our friends. BUT-keep in mind that a paperback that has been priced at 50 cents will tell you ANYTHING to get you to take it home. It could and would lie to you. Even if it bandies about words like "wonderful"or "enchanting", remember that a book that has been consigned to what amounts to the book ghetto will tell you whatever it thinks you want to hear just to get out of there. Even if it's only for the 2 hours it will take you to read it in the bath. In these cases, smart can usually be interpreted to mean that the heroine reads too many books and quotes poetry or the hero of the story has kooky parents that encourage him to marry the virginal scullery maid even though he's a Duke or something equally ridiculous. Remember, "wonderful" or "enchanting" probably mean "dirty" or "really dirty" and "fun-filled romp" means "badly written porn penned by a lonely woman with frizzy hair that lives with too many cats". You can count on it.
That should keep you out of trouble when wandering the book section.
If you should decide to venture forth into the other aisles keep in mind:
*The brown substance on that adorable stuffed tiger most likely isn't chocolate. Save your quarter.
*I know the N' Snyc figurines in the case may seem like a fun piece of reasonably priced nostalgia, but if you buy that set and take them home, you know they'll end up under the bed in the BOX OF SHAME with your Backstreet Boys sweatshirt, Ricky Martin CD's and the last shred of your self respect.
*And last but not least: if you find yourself reaching for the same quart jar as the woman pushing around a cart full of picture frames (sans glass), plastic cups and high heeled shoes from the Eisenhower era, let her have it and back away slowly. I don't care how much you'd rather pay 75 cents apiece instead of full price for them at Walmart. It's not worth the top 1/2 of 3 of your fingers that she'll be spitting onto the floor after you insist that you got there first.
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