As I gird up my loins (because really, nobody wants to see me with ungirded loins at my age) to go work my final shift at FMN(Forget Me Not), I have been reflecting on my experiences at the store as it was re-opened this week and here at home as I have started to deal with the shift back to a useless member of society. In the last 2 weeks I have learned a few things that I thought I should share. No, not because I am a shameless TMI(to much information) kind of person but because I am a selfless, caring kind of person that is willing to tell you these things in the hope of helping others. While wallowing in JLD(jobless loser depression-keep up with the acronyms people!) I have discovered:
Mainlining Wild Cherry Pepsi does help(albiet temporarily).
If it's on sale, people will do anything to get it.
Randomly cursing at inanimate objects around the house is always a good time and a nice stress reliever to boot.
Cheap frozen pizza is your friend.
It IS possible to play the PS2 until your hands cramp and you almost wet your pants and not feel like you have hit rock bottom.
Your husband will only tolerate so much whining and dirty dish avoiding before you find yourself locked out of the house.
ALL scrapbookers are a little off (yeah, me too).
THIS is why I wish Summer and all of it's attending irritations would crawl in a hole and DIE!
Kids WILL eat peanut butter sandwiches twice a day if you don't shower very frequently and look very very mean.
Also, if it's on sale, it will instantly seem 50 times more desirable than it was before.
Comparing your neighbors to the devil is not going to get you very far; heaven wise.
You CAN listen to Public Enemy with the volume at 75 and not go completely deaf.
After a certain amount of time as a JL, hookers do start to seem more just like creative entrepeneurs-you must remind yourself -THIS IS NOT TRUE!
After gaining all that Pepsi weight, you don't look so good in spandex hot-pants anyway.
There actually are whack-jobs out there that want to spend a mint on a huge die-cut machine and dies. These people should be avoided. They are crazier (and richer) than you.
When someone calls and asks you to be the Neighborhood Watch block leader-I don't care how much Coke you have had-just say NO!
That's all for now. I am positive there will be more. If you find even one or two hints helpful then my sharing will not have been in vain.
5 comments:
ahhhh you are so wise Shauna! Maybe you should be neighborhood watch leader ha/ha!
I want all the gruesome details of the crazy scrapbookers at the sale! AND did you find my book per chance??? Thanks for imparting your wisdom to all the little people!
I AM the Neighborhood Watch block leader! I was too hopped up on Coke and Cheetos to say no fast enough!
someone actually bought the store die cut tools?? WOW.
You never looked very good in spandex hot-pants. Christ, enjoy your pepsi.
Post a Comment