ABC's of...CRAP!

I decided that I had better get this ABC thingy done since Emily tagged me and I don't want her to hit or yell at me again. Here it is:

A- Attached or single: I prefer to keep all of my limbs attached, thanks you.
B- Best Friend: my pimp
C-Cake or Pie: Whatev. As long as it's not the kind with chocolate ex-lax.
D-Day: When the voices in my head stop screaming.
E- Essential Item: Edible underwear.
F-Favorite Color: The color of love and tenderness and fluffy baby bunnies.
G-Gummi Bears or Worms: gummy rats
H-Home town: Crazyopolis, on the corner of passive aggressive and overly emotional.
I- Indulgences: just a little crack smokin'
J- January or July?: What's so great about those? Why can't it be March vs September-or-The 17th of May vs the 13th of Nov.? Huh? Jerks.
K-Kids: Evil. Like the Devil.
L-Life is incomplete without: Coke/Pepsi and a nice set of matching back fat.
M- Marriage Date: All Hallows Eve.
N- Number of Siblings: I need a clarification here. Are we talking the ones my Mom gave birth to or the ones that I actually claim?
O- Oranges or Apples: Haven't you ever heard of fruit salad you elitist sob's?
P- Phobias or Fears: Mismatched paper colors, women that shave their armpits and legs, large chunks of cheese.
Q- Quote: "I wanna go pet the wounded goat!"
R- Reason To Smile: I haven't wet my pants again today.
T- Tag Three: If I had known we were playing tag, I would have worn different shoes.
U- Unknown Fact About Me: My sense of humor is painful to everyone but me and could possibly indicate mental instability. Surprise!
V- Vegetarian or Oppressor of Animal: Oppressor of animals-totally. PETA has been trying to get me to free my herd of pack kittens and puppies for years. I always lose a few each spring when we head up the mountain with all of my supplies.
X-Rays or Ultrasounds: I didn't know we got to just choose.
Y-Your favorite food: Jello shots,Tainted meat sandwiches and medium rare chicken-basted with sun brewed mayonaise.
Z: Zodiac Sign: Restroom For Customers Only.