Rifftrax - Best of Twilight

So, I kind of have a serious obsession with Mystery Science Theater 3000. MST3K was a television show that took bad movies and added a snarky commentary track. Even though it hasn't been on t.v. now for years, any episode is still my go-to for fun on a Saturday night. Well, any night for that matter. The unfortunate(for other people not for me) side effect is that I now expect my whole life to sound like an episode of the show. I wake up in the morning wanting to make a snarky comments about everything. Commercials, Facebook posts, whatever the kids are talking about in the dining room etc... You can imagine my delight when I discovered that the guys behind MST were taking on different projects together. More snarky commentary for my life! Yay! Some were more miss than hit(see Film Crew: Wild Women of Wongo) but it looks like their latest (and by latest I mean the last few years) stuff is gold. They're called Rifftrax and they're exactly what they sound like. But...and here's the best part, the boys didn't limit themselves to "bad" movies. They have taken on a little bit of everything. The above bit the Rifftrax crew put on YouTube is a sampling of one of the funniest so far. Especially because they couldn't have chosen a more deserving candidate. So, go watch it and I promise not to turn this blog into the Daily YouTube Share Channel. And, if you don't think it's funny then call me and we'll find you a nice doctor to help you relax that sphincter a bit. 

It's a plan

 Monday Monday. Riding in on a rail. Maybe I've been going about it all wrong. Instead of waking up and staring into the headlights with my fingers crossed, I need a plan from the get-go. Everything works better with a plan I'm told. So, here's my plan to keep the damage from spilling over into the rest of the week. Coping skills people. Get 'em out and use 'em.

1. To battle the usual Double Stuff Oreos and coke induced haze of self loathing, check out this picture

http://www.eonline.com/photos/gallery.jsp?galleryUUID=4392#164851

 and tell yourself that you may have a belly full of jelly but at least you aren't being mistaken for Skeletor. Ugh. Then listen to this

http://youtu.be/IyYnnUcgeMc 

and tell everyone you come across(in any context) for the rest of the week, "I don't think you're ready for this jelly." Shakin' it a little while you're saying it couldn't hurt.

2. If your brain feels like it isn't back from it's weekend sabbatical, listen to this

http://youtu.be/1prhCWO_518
to give it an easy wake up,

then this to keep it going
 http://youtu.be/ptPekKOigkQ

 and then this
http://youtu.be/LwwkqABItLA
to chill everything out. It's not cool to stroke yourself out before, oh, Wednesday night at least.

3. To counteract the Poor Me's that hit about 2ish, watch this http://youtu.be/TLEK0UZH4cs

and just thank your lucky stars that you don't have cutleries in your knees.

4.  And if all of the above fails, watch this
http://youtu.be/4cN8RgFYrQg
 and at least be grateful you're not Canadian.

I know I embedded the links a little oddly but my browser is being extremely unhelpful so this is as good as it gets today.

Dishes dishes

We have been without a working dishwasher for awhile. It may be a little my fault that it took maintenance so long to get around to it. I may have sort of implied that we were better off living in a van down by the river if our dishwasher was nothing but a very large drying rack when I put in the maintenance request. Last week I put in a nicer, slightly conciliatory one and that finally did the trick. Unfortunately, due to the fact that we HAVE been using it as a glorified drying rack; everyone assumes that the dishes in the dishwasher are always clean. And...we had an incident last week that had all of us praying that the plate we were pulling out of the cupboard was indeed clean. I decided that some sort of label was in order to help us avoid the necessity of such prayers in the future.  I was just going to make the usual "clean" and "dirty" ones you see around but when it actually came down to it that seemed kind of boring and came up with these instead. Luckily I had them 98% done when Suz got sick. I just put the white circles on them today and decided to share them. They're not that fancy. You can tell I just threw them together and, if you look closely you can also tell that I couldn't find my plastic thingies and used the poor man's laminating material; packing tape. If I had taken the time I could have made them cuter but they make me smile every time I look at the dishwasher and that is all that matters.     

Pin me

Dear Pinterest,

I hate you. You are the black hole of the internet. You're ruining my life. Please don't ever ever leave me. Ever.

Love, Shauna

Everyday I sit down at the computer with the best of intentions. "Hmm. Got a lot on my plate today. I guess I'll get Words with Friends caught up and get down to business here. Done and done. Well, since I'm here I'll just check Pinterest for anything interesting while I get my mind in order." 17 hours later and I look at the clock, uncramp my hand from around the mouse and think, " What the? I'm pretty sure I've only been looking at pins for 15 minutes. So much for getting the laundry done.  Why do I feel so sick? Did I eat today? Why does it smell like old cabbage? What happened to my pants? Why is my hair sticky? Did I always have this many kids and why are they all crying? DAMN YOU PINTEREST!" Shake fist heavenward.

 Later, in bed, drifting off to sleep and it's, "Where have I gone so wrong with my life? I really SHOULD start making my own book shelves out of lost orphans and old quilts. I am such a dullard.  I should have known all about making diaper boxes and a cheese grater into 10 different Halloween costumes. Why CAN'T I make Lemony Garlic Free Range Belgian Braised Chicken Wrapped in 20 Dollar Bills for my family? If I loved them we would have monogrammed underwear that spells the address of the website that is single handedly saving every verbally abused dolphin in captivity. I hate myself. There is something wrong with me because I can't love Taylor Swift and Twilight properly. Our apartment is hideous. My tapeworm has more taste than me. We should have coordinating containers for each of our matchless socks. I just don't try hard enough. I should be able to decorate the whole place for 3 dollars and a couple of good dumpster dives. We should just burn it down and start over. Oh dear. I hope the neighbors don't mind..." It's about this time that Tim takes the gun out of my hand and tells me to go to sleep. I do so because, after all; according to Scarlett O'Hara, tomorrow is another day. I know because somebody pinned it.  

Fringe Benefits

Speaking of the perks of mothering sick kids, another one popped up today(ish) that I had nearly forgotten. Since it now appears that Suzie managed to catch a monster case of the Dread Gomboo that's been making the rounds, I decided the best plan was to just hunker down in the living room and try to ride this bad boy out. That's how I ended up propped up on 2 bean bag chairs at about one this morning and wishing for death to arrive and take me away. This was partly due to the mind-numbing/soul crushing fatigue that has me in it's grip, and partly due to the fact that we were on hideously dumb movie #712 with no end in sight. The specific movie playing during this particular moment was Princess Protection Program. It's a Disney made for t.v. movie and lemme tell ya it's a doozie. It's all about a girl that learns to behave like a princess and a princess that learns to behave like a girl. Both learning the requisite lessons along the way about self-esteem and not judging a book by it's cover. Oh, and rich girls are selfish beeyotches and boys that drive nice cars are self absorbed jerks don't you know. It was at about the time that Selena Gomez is telling off said jerk that I started to think that it would be nice if there really were little mice that came by and poked your eyes out with upholstery needles if you needed them to. Unfortunately, this was not the worst movie we watched-it was just the straw that broke the camels back as it were. Actually, the worst movie honor(so far) goes to Tremors 3:Back to Perfection; another movie I hadn't been forced to see until today. Usually, if the kids are watching a movie I can't stand I just go in my room and watch what I want. Or, if I want to hog the living room I send them to the girls room to watch whatever lameness strikes their fancy. Hence the reason why I am so terribly out of practice in sitting through crap not of my choosing. The fact that I watched every single one without one snide remark proves how much I love my kids. I don't care how much evidence you have to the contrary.      

Through the fog.

Yesterday I took a mental health day. I knew I had no chance of improving my mental health so, I took a day. Har. It's so cool when I say something dumb like that and it is indistinguishable from something my Dad would say. I love being Marv. I should have saved it for today. No, not the joke(loosely defined of course). The mental health day. Suzie was up all night tossing her cookies and everything else she even considered eating in the last year. I'm pretty sure she puked things she was supposed to eat next Tuesday. You know that means I was up all night too.  I tried to sleep when she did today but she hasn't managed more than maybe an hour and a half at a stretch. But, thanks to my lack of ambition yesterday I'm sitting at the computer-squinting through one eye and the screeching headache that has been pinging around in my head all day, trying not to fail spectacularly(again)this year. Truth is, I'm not used to this crap anymore. When I have a really bad night and end up this tired, it just means that I don't accomplish that much and the kids are in charge of their own dinner. The kids are just old enough that I rarely have to take care of someone when I'm this foggy. And boy am I foggy. For example, this morning I got some almonds out for a snack and lost them before I could eat them. I just found them on Tim's side of the bed-under the covers no less. I have been eating crackers all day because that is the only thing that seems reasonable, effort wise, when I wander into the kitchen. I went to Smith's to get some Gatorade etc... for Suz and got kinda lost. Not lost exactly but I had been up and down the Valentine isle and was in the corner looking at eggs and milk before I realized I was supposed to be over by the pharmacy getting pain meds. I stood staring into space in front of the cold drinks by produce so long some guy came up to me and asked if I needed help. I'm sure it was obvious to everyone there that I did indeed need the kind of help you don't find in the grocery store. I also stopped in front of the wrong line at the stop light and had to back up while the lady behind me shook her head at me. This was par for the course when the kids were little but not anymore. It's one of the little things that no Mother can warn you about before you have kids. Like parenthood itself, it's one of the things you have to experience to really get. I don't think I've missed it one bit. I'm going now. Did I mention I was tired? I can't remember.     

Looks like I've found my Magnum.

I grew up watching Magnum P.I. with my Mom. If truth be told, watched it even after I was married until a regrettable incident when I was super pregnant with Turner. I made the mistake of watching the episode where he thinks he's going to die and remembers his Dad dying that had me sobbing while being laughed at by my sweet husband. Since I still can't live that one down, the show kind of lost it's appeal. But, my mom on the other hand, still watches it and anything else with Tom Selleck. She loooves him. We still tease her about how hot she thinks he is. I was watching A Single Man today and realized I have found my Magnum. I also realized that I couldn't help comparing it to Brokeback Mountain and how it made that movie look even clunkier in it's love story than I thought possible. It also doesn't make me want to yell, "I wish I could quit you Ennis!" every time the kids watch Prince of Persia but that's another problem entirely. Going back to A Single Man; it stars Colin Firth, which is the whole reason I watched it in the first place. The whole time I was watching it all I could think was,"Aww I love Colin Firth!". Yes, even when he is kissing another man. Doesn't matter. He was the only reason that I watched The King's Speech even though he started showing his age in that one. Still doesn't matter. He is also(along with Hugh Grant a little) the only reason I watch the problematic(to say the least) Love Actually.  He could probably play a cross dressing serial killer/rodeo clown and I would sit there happily. While he was tottering around in heels dismembering cowboys or whatever I would just be happy I was watching him. I blame Pride and Prejudice. He will be 82 and gumming his carrots as someone's grumpy grandad in something and I'll look around and say, "that Mr. Darcy sure is a handsome man!". I have indeed found my Magnum. I am so sighing right now. And thinking it's time to watch Pride and Prejudice. Again. Sigh.     

TMI Dude. TMI.

I know I promised an inspirational poem about bacon today but the relationship I have with my sweeeet bacony bacon seems too special to share in such a public way. Which brings me to the talking point of today. I know there are usually talking points-plural-but I'm feeble minded and can only handle one at a time or I get confused and just sort of trail off into...

Anyway, I was raised by a Mother that was big into over sharing. Not just about herself, but about all of us. Seriously. Every grocery store checker in Pleasant Grove knew that I needed braces(new underwear, a bigger bra, a good psychiatrist or whatever) before I did.  You know I love you Jean but, you crazy. As a result I have developed an abhorrence for sharing with just anybody. You know, the I have 1200 Facebook friends and they all know when I had explosive diarrhea last week and I sharted in Starbucks but like, I don't think anybody noticed because I was wearing brown pants, kind of sharing that seems to be the norm these days. When I'm scrap booking and it's after nine then of course all bets are off but all my cropping buds have made their peace with this. I have such a problem with this that it is starting to interfere with my little experiment here. I already feel like I've overstayed my welcome by putting a link to these posts on Facebook. Now, I know you're thinking, "Hello! you're writing on a blog you idiot!". I know but, it's not like I'm one of those mental cases that is convinced there are thousands of eager readers out there in cyberspace breathlessly awaiting my next scintillating revelation about what a crappy mom I am. As nice as it is to vent and feel like you're venting to someone even though it's just you and your keyboard, I meant it when I said I am doing this for what it can teach me as much as anything else. So, 16 posts in and the paralyzing fear that I am turning into one of those asshats has me scrolling through all of the blogs here on Blogger and being too nauseated to write anything coherent. Maybe that is the other thing I get to develop here. I guess by the end of the year I will be telling everyone when I had to clip my toenails and feeling good about it. You know that puts me one step away from being a chronic hugger and/or someone that cries in the movie theater don't you?   

Cheater cheater...

It is 11:34 p.m. I just got home from a super-dee-dooper crop night with Carrie and Em. I sat down at the computer more out of habit than for any other reason and then thought "HEY! I could still blog something lame and it still counts!" It's still technically Saturday sooo, here I am, sitting in front of the computer listening to Turner wallow the floor and bitch about being tired. And wondering if this is sort of cheating. Not cheating per se but more like out of the spirit of what I've started here. You know, the whole follow through on something deal I'm trying to pull off. Does posting some rambly drivel just in the nick of time really count? Especially now that it is 11:44 and the most interesting thing I have to say is that we managed to get Turner headed into wallow her bed instead of the living room floor. Maybe if I promise to post a really good poem about my special feelings for bacon tomorrow, I can let this one slide. Good night. Don't let the bedbugs bite. And if they do, don't let them bite you somewhere that you can't scratch in public without looking like a pervert and/or unwashed weirdo. 11:53. Victory Mr. Floyd!  

It's a girl!

No no no no, not for me. Don't be absurd. I know I'm crazy, just not crazy enough to think that I should mother more than 4 children into mental illness before I kick it. My even crazier than me sister Carey(I had to specify because I have an even crazier than she is sister named Annie)had her 7th this morning. And, in keeping with the Carey/Lumpy baby tradition-coming in at 10 lbs 10 1/2 oz and 22 inches-she's a chunky monkey. She also looks to be the spitting image of her Dad(another tradition actually) but since you never can tell for sure this early on, we'll leave the jury out on that one. Also, I know this isn't really the point but, YAY! I get to use pink and flowers on the announcements. You have no freakin' idea how much I was hoping.

Welcome to this crazy mixed up world Samantha Kathleen Hyde!



Already has more hair than Dad

And apparently has the same size feet. Check those puppies out.

Spencer, Mitchell, Marissa holding Samantha, Serena and Celeste





My prayer for the day

I pray a lot. Not the kneel by the side of the bed every night kind of prayer that I SHOULD be doing but more like the "oh please, not that" to the Universe at large general type prayer. The hope against hope kind. You know, "please let my sister's ex get eaten by a bear" or "please don't let the maintenance guy come in just as I'm getting out of the shower". That kind of thing. Due to several conversations with a few of my sisters about the hopelessness of our genetic situation, the one that has been going around in my head this week is something along the lines of: "oh please don't let me be old and crazy!" Now, I know everybody is crazy but I'm not talking regular crazy. Not just weird talks to yourself sometimes because I had too many kids crazy but all out, balls to the wall bat-shit crazy. The hubs is a big believer in Karma and he is always telling me to knock off this kind of stuff. So, right after I think these kinds of things I immediately go "shouldn't have said that. Karma is gonna bite me in the ass now". What with the numerous things I've lined up for which Karma can pay me back, I suppose I should change this particular prayer to, "oh please let the following conversation happen as far in the future as possible!" I'm pretty sure it will go something like this:

Suzie, "Turner, I have to talk to you about Mom."

Turner, "What now you stupid idiot? I have very important things to do. And you all suck. Call Thomas."

Suzie, "He thinks he's somewhere in Russia and he lost his phone and wallet again."

Turner, "Again huh. Try that jerk Sam."

Suzie, "I knew you would say that. I tried him but he's in the Bahamas or somewhere with one of his girlfriends and I can't remember which one he's with this week."

Turner, "(heavy sigh)Okay okay. You have 2 minutes, so talk fast or I'll give you a titty twister over the phone."

Suzie, "You know how Mom used to say Grandma was crazier than an outhouse rat?"

Turner, "You know I blocked out everything she ever said because she never got anything right but whatever. Sure."

Suzie "Well, she's living in the outhouse and they're fighting over the last chunk of cheese if you catch my drift."

Turner, "I knew it would happen eventually."

Suzie, "What do we do? She's interrupting Daddy's shows and I can't have that. You know I love him best."

Turner, "We don't do anything. Just tell Thomas and Sam we are off the hook for the annual Christmas phone call."

Suzie, "Okay but I hope she doesn't burn down the house or even worse, do something embarrassing in front of me!"

Turner, "Dial tone."

Now that I think about the way I've been going lately, I've got a good 3-5 months before Karma knocks on my door. It's good Turner has been practicing her heavy sighs alot lately. 



White trash confession #731

WARNING:contains salty(ish) language

Don't tell anybody but-I swear. I know. Shocker. You had no idea. Yes, I know cursing is the exclusive domain of the lazy. I do believe we've covered my gargantuan lazy streak. In fact, I swear kind of a lot. Even around my kids. Well, even at my kids. The truth is, curse words and really inappropriate words of any kind amuse me. And, since I have decided to die having never been too serious another day in my life, this works for me. Now, I try to keep it fairly clean around kids that belong to other people. I admit to being white trash but haven't managed to sink that low yet. I do STILL wear a bra to Walmart thank you very much. I also try to control myself around the lily white members of the Friends and Fam that can't handle somebody saying shut-up without having a fit of the vapors. Which brings me to the point of this unsolicited confession(always the best kind!). I was talking to my sister last Saturday and referred to the children as being "little bastards anyway". A phrase I use often. A phrase on occasion I believe to be true. I was overheard. And the rest is history I suppose. Ask any of my kids and they'll tell you they believe in their legitimacy and are okay with it and the fact that I'm a crappy mother. Which is why if you start getting cards from us signed The Bitch, the Jackass and the little bastards you should just smile and be cool. We are.        

This is how we Paartay!!!

Last Saturday was the 3rd Annual Worthington Winter Party. Turner was in charge of documenting it for posterity. She got busy or something and sorta kinda didn't get much. I just cleared her memory card and picked out the best of what she did get. In spite of the fact that we didn't have much from which to choose, I think they really do give you a sense of how things go when we get together. Already can't wait for next year people!!!     

Con wanted us to see how he can eat half a roll in one bite. Ellie is laughing because she was the first one badass enough to break Annie's NO UTENSILS rule. That's just the way Ellie rolls. 

Taela is calling all of her Demon familiars to help her finally take care of Ray once and for all. Note Aiden trying to remain inconspicuous behind the piano just in case he's next.

The only picture of Mike. Luckily it's one of him walking AND eating. Bonus! Annie was really mad at Jon and is laughing because she knows how gassy all that extra turkey will make her by bedtime.

Inspite of the imminent threat, Joe was laughing because he knows Thomas forgot it was Saturday and he had no lunch money to hand over.

This wasn't a pose. Jared kept his hand on Courtney's leg the whole time in order to keep her from bolting. Good man. Good man. From Courtney's smile I would say he was gonna lose an ear before the day was done.

Miss Q and her new 'do

In the interest of my sanity, Grandpa Marv is kind enough to drag the boys out to get haircuts every so often. Last Saturday Suzie went with them and came home with a new 'do. I had her point at it just in case you got confused.

Uh.

I sat down at the computer next to the new package of gumballs I left for the little tykes- determined to hammer this thing out and not miss another day. And here I still sit; a couple of hours later, no further than the painfully clever title at the top of this post. However, I have somehow managed to get my ass handed to me by my sister in a game of Words with Friends then start 2 more, read through my Facebook feed, clear my e-mail, polish off 2 cups of coffee, give Pinterest a quick gander and scroll through umpteen blogs on Blogger-all while listening to Willie Nelson, Foster The People and Motley Crue in a continual loop with an enormous jaw ache from chewing something like 10 gumballs all at once. From this sad little interlude I have concluded that:

1. I suck.

2. I should never sit in close proximity to any amount of tasty gum type products while distracted or really ever.

3. I am a lazy Scrabble, er- I mean Words With Friends player with a sad lack of a competitive streak to boot.

4. I deeply resent the existence of the letter J.

5. I need to check my email more often.

6. Two cups of coffee+after 10 p.m.=heartburn.

7. If you listen to Girls, Girls, Girls too many times in a row you actually start leering at the nearest girl. Even if it's your own reflection in the computer monitor. 

8. Catching yourself leering at yourself is not only super awkward but kinda creepy.

9. I should have chosen something a little less ambitious for my resolution like "shower more" or "stop eating cigarette butts" rather than the fancy schmancy one I chose.

10. I should have stopped with the awesome title and gone to bed two hours ago.

  



Hugs and Kisses

We now interrupt this regularly scheduled Christmas craft dump to bring you...the Valentine banner I dropped everything to finish. Partly because it's been 3/4 done for I dunno, a couple of weeks now but really just because I knew it was going to BE SO CUTE! If you could hear me say that in the weird voice I always roll out when something ends up matching the picture in my head, it would have way more impact. I finished it a few days ago and even had the first 2 pics on the computer the same day. Then I couldn't get the long one to come out right and started messing with my camera. Aaaaand messed it up so much that I now couldn't take a decent picture to save my life. I would tell you what I did wrong but to do that I would have to know and I really don't. I finally just asked Turner to do the best she could with her camera even though it was too dark, she couldn't get that close because of the bean bag chair pile and she had to stand at an angle so she didn't get in the way of our Friday night showing of The Wizard of Oz. Whatever. It will do, Jeeves. It will do.  

The middle.

The top.

The-well, you get the general idea.



The Best Laid Plans...

Oh the grand plans I had this morning! For starters; I was going to get some shopping done, take and upload some sweet pics of my fabulous new crafty craft and finish the one I started last night. Foolish foolish girl. For a minute there, I forgot about how my life really works. The high point of my day was accidentally finding Sam the clothes-horse $6 shoes he would put on his feet without being under direct threat of bodily harm. Unfortunately it quickly rolled downhill past the part where I dumped Dr. Pepper into my SWEET green flower purse(I hope the trash can enjoys it as much as I did) and just kept going down, down, down. I'll spare you the gory details. Let's just say I've been sighing a lot today. I guess this is the part where you tell me that tomorrow is another day! I could try a round of the Glad Game too I suppose but I always thought Polyanna was kind of a dumbass. Sigh.

You should be watching this!

Downton Abbey. Maggie Smith is in it. 'Nuff said. Okay. You need more. I SAID Maggie Smith is in it. And, and and it's got a little bit of everything. Humor. Drama. Whatever you want. AND, unlike 96.4% of television shows these days, it's well written and actually takes the time to tell a story. If you don't have AMC you probably don't even remember what that is. A real story. Where the antagonists aren't completely all bad and the protagonists aren't totally perfect. Downton Abbey does all of this without zombies,vampires or wierd, unbelievable mind-bending twists. No cursing or boob flashing either. Not that I have anything against those, mind you(hello? it's me!) but every once in a while I like to not have to lock the kids in their room with their fingers in their ears just so I can watch something. Now; if you're about to tell me that you don't go in for British period pieces, save yourself the embarrasment and just freakin' watch it. Big Baby. You've only missed the first episode of season two but you can catch the replay before the next episode on Sunday night. Hell, come over to my house and watch it on my DVR. If you hurry you can cram in the first season in time for S2 E2 that will play on Sunday night. It's on PBS so no more excuses. Now go. Don't stand there looking stupid, GO.

Egads! A recipe.

I have never thought of myself as any kind of cookish type cook. I can't seem to be bothered to follow a recipe. I also don't have an advanced enough palate to really put flavor into things the way other people do. What that really means is that I was raised by Utah Mormons and never learned to like strong flavors like basil, oregano and the like so I avoid using them whenever I can and am therefore generally a producer of boring food. Oh, I have my specialties like anybody else that's been cooking all their life but most of my specialities are of the sort that belong at church gatherings and on school lunch trays. This, of course does not prevent me from calling up all and sundry and ordering them to make this thingy that I have concocted whenever I have been moved to concoction. No recipe for it of course; just a ramble about how you throw this and that in and call it good and really you should make it and so forth. So, now you know that on top of being an award winning procrastinator I am a lazy cook and a big fat bosser. And we all know what the world thinks of a bosser don't we? Well, I was concocting last week and hit on something 5 out of the 6 of us really liked. Which is basically equivalent to winning the lottery. It worked out so well that I was actually moved to write down the recipe(of sorts). And now I am sharing it here. Not because I think it's going to change your life or cure male pattern baldness but because it saves me from having to email it to the poor chums that I have been ordering to make it. Win!

 Now, a word before I move on. I used Mexican blend cheese but you could use whatever you have on hand. There isn't a specified amount because it's really a personal call in my opinion. I also didn't use corn tortillas but the Mission corn and wheat blend ones. Yes they're more expensive; but it helps me convince myself that the Fam is shoveling in something half-decent instead of something that should probably be shoveled directly down the disposal. I actually liked the flavor they added but that could be my delusions speaking for me again. And before you ask; yes-I did make a casserole instead of actual enchiladas because I'm too damned lazy to roll them up.  

Chicken Enchilada Casserole

5 C. cooked, shredded chicken      3T butter   3T flour      1c. sour cream

1 onion, chopped         1T chopped garlic        cumin, chili powder, salt

tortillas cut in half (about 20 if using the small corn ones)       

28 oz can green enchilada sauce, divided     Cheese

 Measure out 2 c. of the enchilada sauce and set aside. In a large frying pan, soften onions in oil then add garlic. Cook for a minute or so then add shredded chicken. Sprinkle with spices to taste, pour in rest of sauce from can and heat together on low.  Meanwhile, in a saucepan over med heat melt butter; add flour and cook together for 1 min then pour in 2 c. enchilada sauce. Cook, stirring until bubbly and thick. Remove from heat and add sour cream. Spray an 11x13 pan with cooking spray. Spread a little bit of the sauce in the bottom and top with a single layer of tortillas. I break them in half and put the straight side against the edge and then just kind of fill in the middle.  Next, layer 1/2 chicken and spoon some sauce on top. Sprinkle with cheese. Repeat layers then cover with last layer of tortillas. Spread with remaining sauce making sure to cover completely. Sprinkle with cheese, cover in foil and cook for about 45 minutes or until hot and bubbly. Take the foil off for the last 10-15 minutes. Let rest for 15 min. before serving.

 

Longest most rambling post in history! Read at your own risk!

I did something kinda dumb yesterday. I walked 4 miles. In the snow. It was not all uphill however; and I wasn't barefoot but I guess we can't have everything. Why would I do such a thing you ask? It can all be blamed on The Box of Shame. And what, pray tell, is The Box of Shame and how could it cause such lunacy you ask? Thanks for being so involved in my little stories that you're asking questions now. It's sweet. I appreciate it. Well. Actually, let's back up a little. I was blessed to leave high school with 2 best friends. I still count them as such to this day. Along with a few others I have picked up along the way. But I digress. Emily lives close enough to see on a weekly basis if I'm lucky. Krysta ended up on the other side of the country. So I see her every other year if I'm lucky. Sucks. And now that she has 3 kids, really sucks. As you can imagine, I would like to be the Bad Auntie to her kids as much as I am to all of my nieces' and nephews'. There's nothing more fun than bringing large amounts of chocolate to Emily's chocoholic daughter and telling her to have at it. Unless it's handing my nephew a sucker when he's strapped into his car seat and my sister isn't looking or buying my 5 year old niece bags of gum or...well you get the gist. Sorry-having a hard time staying on task today. I promise to flip a card if it happens again.  ANYWAY, when Krysta's first babies were a few months old, I acquired a priority mail box and put a few things I had gathered into it. Nothing earth shattering. One of our favorite out-of-print Christmas books I found at the D.I., a copy of my kids favorite Halloween book when they were little, the Brother themed mini-book I started when I found out she was having twin boys, just stuff that I would normally hand over whenever I saw them if they were closer. It was fun having little ones to buy for again since they were becoming scarce in my neck of the woods.  Then the box just kind of sat there. I would look at it and think, "you've REALLY gotta get that out of here. But there's still room in it. Maybe I should get an Easter book and then send it off." I would then put something else in it and it would sit there. Then Krysta had another baby and of course I needed to put something for the baby in it and and and...six months ago we moved. While I was cleaning out my closet what should appear? The BOX. Sigh. That is when it became The Box of Shame. I couldn't even remember everything that it contained but I COULD NOT look through it. Either the shame would kill me, the guilt would crush me or both. So, like the procrastinating asshat that I am, I loaded it into the car and it came to Draper with us. I would find an odd thing here and there that had never found their way in to it and I would drop it in. After we were settled into our new place, I swore I would get it mailed by Halloween. Then decided to send it with our Thanksgiving card that...I made but never mailed. I then decided to make Christmas countdown blocks that would just fill it to bursting and send it off. I even got  the blocks done before Thanksgiving. The day after I sprayed them, the kids noticed that I had done one of them wrong and had to pull one side off and re-do. And wait for the weather to be warm enough to spray that one damned 3 1/2 inch square of paper-covered wood. Again sigh. I dared to spray the week of Christmas and we were back in business. I'm pretty sure my sanity would be questioned if I just sent it off and decided to put in a letter giving some sort of explanation about the bizarre(and at this point also mostly unknown)contents. Which is why I gave myself until yesterday to get the thing in the mail or commit hari-kiri in the parking lot. I went to bed Friday night and realized The Box still had no letter. I went to sleep with a plan to do it all first thing. I woke up late yesterday but with plenty of time. Decided to shower first and get to it. I got out of the shower and discovered Tim and Turner gone in the car. We only have one. Yes, I know we are the only family outside of Calcutta with less than 2 cars but it usually works. Really. Now I was in the soup. This is where we left off. My something kinda dumb. I could hope they came home in time to get to the post office for the last pick-up or I could figure something else out. In keeping with my new resolve to follow through on all of my lazy crap I opted for the latter. So, there was nothing for it but to slap The Box shut(sans explanitory letter of course), put on the sneaks and hoodie and hit the pavement. Fast. I think I mentioned it was snowing. Did I also mention that it was 2 miles one way? I know. Dumb. The silver lining to all of this is that I made it. With 9 minutes to spare! It took me twice as long to get back and I was wet and cold and really really tired but The Box of Shame can mock me no longer. Victory(of sorts)is mine!!!

The Good, The Bad and The, well...

 Yes. Pics 2 whole days in a row. Now, don't get all worked up about it. Purely accidental I assure you. It was a now or never situation with getting these posted. As I may have mentioned a couple(thousand)times before, Christmas hasn't been my thingamajig for awhile now. And, if you have ever met me, you know that mornings are even less my idea of a good time than listening to Taylor Swift massacre Silent Night every time I go to the grocery store from Thanksgiving to New Years. I'm hoping you'll accept that as a good enough excuse for how abysmally our Christmas pics turned out. I actually wondered if I could have accidentally been high after I off-loaded these beauties. Then I wondered if I had also been drunk after spending an hour removing red-eye and adjusting the exposure on every. single. one. and still having this. Sigh.





The best thing about this one is all of the piles of crap surrounding everybody. Ahh. Christmas memories!

This one seemed like the red-eye was too appropriate to remove. If I could put a word bubble by her mouth it would say, "Thanks for the Kyle Busch pants but I think I'll be eating you now. Heh heh heh".

 



This one also seemed to need red-eye to complete the look Sam was going for. Notice the death grip of the scissors. Pretty sure he was considering their use on something other than the box.





A day late...

Welcome to the annual Christmas craft dump! It seems like every January I get over my aversion to Christmas and want to finish all of the projects I started before my yearly Christmas loathing set in. So, here are pics of my most recently finished. I was going to say a day late and a dollar short but for the sake of accuracy I feel I should say a month late and about 50 bucks short. Especially if you know how much money I've dropped on all of the crap in my house. I'm pretty pleased with how they turned out-even if all I get to do is pack them away now. At least they're DONE. Onward and upward! 

In my defense, I sat down to make these and discovered my wood still oozing sap and had to wait for them to dry out a little more. They sat in a nice little pile next to the bookcase until this week. Gotta give me props for finishing them in a day and half in spite of the fact that I had to strip a bad paint choice off of one and consequently use a 2 step paint process on the others. 

I promised my sister pics of these weeks ago but wanted to add the ribbon to the middle one that...still isn't there. I can't find the right color so I am officially pushing that to next Christmas. Is it cheating to say these are done? Probably not. If I'm completely honest, I won't care by the time they come back out and they'll look like this forever.

Bloggety Blog Blog Blog

I have 3 blogs I try(ish) to keep up. Yes, I am crazy. No, I am not an egotist. At least I don't think I am. But if I were I wouldn't admit it now would I? Having three just kind of happened. This one I was nagged into by all of my blogging chums(all of which then abandoned me for Facebook). My crafty one began in the Etsy selling fevor that afflicted me about a year ago and was abandoned shortly thereafter. Did I mention I have a problem with follow through? The last one was created out of pity for my in-laws and other out of state family that I didn't feel should have to wade through my off kilter, possibly foul-mouthed ramblings to get to the pictures of the kids I put up. So there you have it. I was getting ready to post some pics of the Christmas crafts I am finally finishing. Yes. Problem. Moving on...I thought "this is nuts!(I probably really said it out loud to myself but whatever) why should I write 2 posts today just because I promised a couple of people I'd post pics when they're done?" Well, no more say I. To save what is left of my sanity I think this will be my one stop blogging shop for the time being. You know I'm just mean and lazy enough to do it too. Sorry Mom and Dad and Carey. Take heart; maybe I'll change my mind when I decide to start writing Haikus about my gall bladder and need a dedicated blog for them. Oh happy day.

Resolve

I have recently become acutely aware of the passage of time. Suz turned ten a few weeks ago. It seems like such a little thing but the fact that all of my kids are now into the double digits brought the flight of time even more to my attention. Not in the "My my, how time flies!" sense but the "Holy Shit! what have I been doing?" sense. This(and the fact that you can't take a step these days without tripping over a New Year resolution)led me to ruminating on perseverance and my complete lack of it really. Just look at the piles of unfinished projects I have EVERYWHERE and you get how bad I have gotten. I have always been good at procrastination but it seems as I feel the weight of my life get heavier and heavier, it has reached a level that borders on insane. This is why I have decided to blog something, anything everyday.  Not because I am one of those fruity people that think everyone in cyberspace is chomping at the bit to be let in on my every thought and bowel movement(if I ever get to that point promise you'll shoot me-no warning: just POW) but because I'm hoping it will help keep me honest. If I can pull this off then maybe developing a little bit of follow through will rub off onto other places. Like my whole freakin' life.

      P.S. I guess I should clarify something. By everyday I meant 5 days a week. Not because I am trying to give myself an out(oh how you know me!)but because let's be honest here-my access to the computer on some days; mostly weekends, is on an emergency basis only. Seriously. It has to be a BIG emergency.

     P.P.S. Before you ask-the answer is yes. There will be this many run-on sentences and a complete lack of caring for proper grammar.